Festivites

Well christmas is over :(


I had a fantastic day :) was mostly good, there were a few downs, well one down & the rest was just annoyances.


My down being the top i spent £50 on didn't fit! This made me go into a downer, the one day i wanted to look nice & i was left with nothing. I know it sounds pathetic but it really gets to me. I just feel like i look like a blob.


I cheered up once my lil cousin Jan aka yummers turned up, he's 10 & i love him to bits. We have always been close, but because Jans so young its never about my accident or my disability. He doesn't care, we still bake, go to the cinema, do arts & crafts we do everything. With him i feel like me :)

We all opened our prezzie's i got pj's, DVD's, sweets, scarves & some amazing hats.

My cousin got a kola one

But my best gift was that my mum fixed George my teddy from when i was a baby, his head fell off about 5yrs ago, she brought him an outfit to.

We then all ventured to the pub for drinks then home for dinner, where we had some discussions, that almost turned to arguments, but they were quickly stopped. Chritmas dinner was amazing! as always, having a chef as a mum has its benefits. My grandad left at 6:30pm so he could go to bed, "you get tired early when you walk 4000 miles at 66" which is probably true but i bet a bottle of wine helps hehe...


After food we played family fortune's.... it was the most stressful time of my life!! no one would listen, no one would shut up, & then they would play dumb. At that moment i wanted the ability to walk, only for 30 seconds so that i could get up and leave that room!!


The most annoying thing about being in a chair is that i get tired & if not tired sore! A 12 hour day in my chair can be a killer, so i had to go to bed earlier than i wanted. But yummers kept me company & we caught up on christmas tv.


Boxing day was fun as well, i helped jan with his laptop that he got of santa, then we watched loads of films & ate WAY to much food.


We had planned to make a gingerbread house today, but because it snowed my auntie panicked and left to go back to london early :( so i got dressed for nothing... oh well ill have a pj day tomorrow :)


New year next....


Bring on 2011

ITS CHRISTMASSSSS!! :D

Its Christmas eve which means its Christmas tooomorrrrow :D :D im sooo excited!!! I just love Christmas its the best time of year!! We open prezzies, then we have breakfast, then everyone gets dressed, we met all the fam at the pub, then we go home argue abit, watch films, eat, argue a lil bit more, play games, watch tv then bed & i look forward to every second :)


My friends came last night and we exchanged gifts. I got a gurjus bag, & a starbucks cup tree decoration because im obsessed with starbucks, so i loved that! then i got a very cute me 2 you bear from ellie :). My very good friend vee came a few days before and got me a bag that said "queen of fu**ing everything" which fits me pretty well :)


My lil cousin, aunt & uncle arrived from london last night, & my nan & eric (my nans husband, we have just always called him eric) came monday from france, they live there. The happy families lasted about a hour. The thing is my family are all actually crazy! Everyones argumentative, everyone always thinks their right & everyones over sensitive. Their all crazy, but i love them all immensely & i wouldn't be with out them.


My friend thougt my mum & aunt, their twins, were arguing, i just had to explain that when my aunts had a drink she gets a bit loud. :)


They will be on their best behaviour tomorow, they know how much xmas means to me, and they will be in trouble if they ruin it :)


Its time for me to watch some festive films, whilst i wait for the nurses to dress my feet...


mery christmas everyone xxxxxxx

Catheters =s

Another week of ups & downs...


It started great, i finally finished my film cw...A eassy comparing Tim Burtons childhood to the theme of isolation in his films. Im so glad i chose him, his films never get boring. We even managed to get a load of our practical work done! Finally everyone has been turning up, so we could actually film. I was getting so annoyed with ppl never turning up with no consequences, when i got kicked of my other courses.


Then Wednesday came and it was D-day well C-day. Having a spinal injury means i have a catheter.


While i was in hospital instead of just warning me about them and about the care and stuff, they terrified me! I got told that if it gets pulled out it will rip open my bladder & i would get internal bleeding then die.


So now im so paranoid about it, it irritates everyone, but im so scared about it being pulled out!


When it needs changing im just as terrified. I have a panic attack & i cry, i have to have a blanket covering my face, my mum has! to be there & the nurse isnt allowed to talk about whats happening.


A few nurses have suggested i go to the doctor to get something to calm me down, but im not a massive believer in pills, if you dont sort tings out in your head you wont get better.


To be fair i have a good reason to be scared, last yr it got stuck. So I had to go to hospital, after many attempts to get it out, i had to stay over night to wait for a doc. To say id spent 8mth in hospital i was so scared, i felt so vunrable being on a ward, But the staff were great & found me my own room. In the end it had to be lasered out. Since that im always convinced its going to get stuck.


A lot of people are embarrassed by their catheters, im not. I mean i dont flaunt it, but all my friends & family know i have it. We refer to it as my tumor, cuz when my bags full it looks like i have a tumor on my leg.


Because of the change i had to stay in bed, cuz i cant get up cuz im extra paranoid about it being pulled out, so i watched films and ate junk to feel better.


Thursday i got my flu jab and spent the rest of the day with 2 lovely friends, gossipping & eating way to much chinese food! I love days like that, mainly because i love chinese food...and maybe my friends to lol =]


Friday was lovely! I managed to talk my mum in to going to the christmas market. We went for drinks with my aunt first. Then strolled the market and drank mulled wine. It was sooo lovely, but mum ruined it by not letting me go celeb watching in the very posh bar, with a rolls royce, a Bentley ad a Porsche parked outside. But we did spot eli dingle, we didnt recognise him, but as soon as he spoke me & mum looked at each other and both said "thats eli dingle"


I spent my weekend snowed in. Not going mad yet but we shall see...

College sucks & Birthday wishes

So i don't really know where to start....


Im just gunna type and if its a bit muddled up im sorry, just bare with me.


Its been such a mixed week of being annoyed, ill & happy
So after being snowed in for a week i was actually looking forward to going back to college. I went in for Tuesdays lesson & there was no tuter & i had no pa. Without a pa im stuck! As im in a manual chair atm i need the pa to move me, cuz i dont have the strength to do it. I need a pa to write for me, and cuz i have autonomic dysreflexia i need someone around if i have an attack. Luckily my home pa hadnt left so she came in and stayed around.


just follow the link to find out more about autonomic dysreflexia


http://www.sci-info-pages.com/ad.html
Then on Wednesday i started to get the sniffles, i woke up on Thursday and oh my i felt so unbelievably ill! I had the worst head cold, my face & my head just hurt. But i still went to college, i felt bad having been off the week before. But that was pointless, 2 of our group didnt turn up so we couldnt do any work. Im off due to illness, i get kicked off my courses, they can't be bothered & nothing happens.


After my pointless class i just wanted to go to bed but i couldnt cuz i had a doctors appointment. My knees been twisting and its started to get really painful. So the docs given me some nerve pain meds & is going to get me some physio.


Friday it was my mums birthday :)


I love my mum soooooo much, she means the world to me! She provided us with an amazin childhood & she has been there for me for every second since my accident. I couldnt put into words how thankful & grateful i am to have her.


I love you mummy...

Its also my auntie clares birthday, my mums twin. She lives in london & couldnt come visit ='[ ... but we'll be seeing her soon for crimbo =] happy birthday clare


Mum had a jewellery party on Friday, which was a lot of fun! A very nice lady came with loads of jewellery and people could buy it, and my mum got 10% commission for hosting the party. was fun, there was a few party games and a few drunk people. even i had fun & i felt like death. I did have a bit of a melt down. I felt like i looked like a blob. Whenever i try to look nice i get so upset cuz i just feel like i dont look nice, or like iv made an effort to dress up. Ill hopefully fee better once iv had my hair cut, so it looks nice & not just blurgeh.


Saturday we went out for an amazing chinese it was so yummy!!! Me & my brother managed to surprise her with a big chocolate cake, that we forgot to give her on friday.


Now its monday & im finally feeling better tucked up in bed watching alan carr..


Night night

Christmas Time

I had a great day yesterday, was lots of fun.


I got out of the house for the first time since last Thursday. We went to the supermarket for some well needed food supplies, then me mum & our lovely neighbour debs went for lunch. It was soooo good! Steak sandwich & chunky chips then my fav dessert bread & butter pudding for afters.


Then we came home to decorate :D


I love christmas, and decorating the tree has always been my favourite bit. I cant physically hang the ornaments myself, which can get a lil frustrating, but i had just as much fun telling others where to put them. It felt like we were in a movie. We were decorating the house, it was snowing outside & we were all singing to the christmas songs. We decorated the hall, my bedroom, the living room & the kitchen. We will be doing outside tomorow.


Here is the finished product




The living room



my bedroom tree



Snowman

After all the fun i was pretty worn out. Iv found that being in a wheelchair you get pretty tired really quick. Not only does a lot of my meds make me tired, the amount of energy it takes to get dressed & up & staying balanced is just annoyin. Id be in college 9-12 and id be struggaling to stay awake on the drive home. So i had a nap.


Once my mums boyfriend got here we ate & watched TV. It was midnight before i got into bed. I love staying up and spending time with the fam but a 12 hr stint in my chair doesnt help my feet at all!


They were so fat & swollen! & this morning my left foot had a massive blister on it. So today iv sat in bed with my feet up watchin christmas movies. Its been a cosy day!


So im going to say bye for now & watch ice age :D

Confidence

So its snowing. I do love snow but it aint half hard work in a wheelchair. Im nervous enough outdoors in my chair, so the extra hazards of snow & ice dont help. But it does look pretty & my dog loves it.

My pup Starbucks

Another downfall to the weather is this is now day 2 of being snowed, well iced in. The snows not to bad atm, we have about an inch, i say that as i look at the snow blizzard outside. the country roads are very icy as we have been neglected of gritters. My lil tin car nearly falls over if someone sneezes, so its useless in snow & ice. My brothers car did no better he abandoned his a few miles away, and it took my mum a hr and half to get home.

We really do need a new car but deposits go from £0 to £2000 and up. When we got the car all the money we raised and the grants went towards my room & chair so we are still saving. You can get 4x4's now but god knows how much they are.

Iv not gone crazy yet being snowed in, i was snowed in for 2 weeks last year and i did get a slight touch of cabin fever. It probably wouldn't bother to many people, but after spending 6mths in hospital 1. i dont want to waste time and 2. i know how easy it is to become inst... yea i cant spell it, i know how easy it is to become scared of the outdoors.

After leaving hospital it took a lot for me to go any where. I had no confidence. Id get dressed then just sit and cry in my chair and refuse to go anywhere. I was so used to being in a hospital & everyone being the same. I hated that my hair had been chopped off and i just felt ugly, and that i didnt fit in.

I deff still feel like this at times, especially when im going somewhere nice & i want to dress up. I hate that i cant do my hair, my own makeup and that certain clothes dont sit right.

My confidence in myself and in other peoples abilities even more so is defiantly a working progress but il get there.