Wednesday, 30 December 2015

Bye bye 2015

So that was 2015

I can't say 2015 has been all that I wanted it to be.

The year started well, and I was wholly optimistic for the year ahead, but things happen.

Don't get me wrong there's been some great moments.

I graduated university, which was such an achievement.

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to go to university, so to finally achieve that goal was just the best feeling.

I saw one of my best friends get married, being by her side as her bridesmaid was one of the proudest moments I've had as a friend, and it was genuinely one of the nicest days, so full of love and happiness.

Then there's been those days, that weren't particularly significant, but were special because of a moment shared with the people I love.

But it's been a difficult year, a year in which I have felt a little stuck, a little lost.

Moving away from education, after it being part of my identity for so long is scary, not knowing my next step.

Finding a job in my situation isn't exactly easy, I'm pretty limited in what I can physically do. But I am aware that my situation allows for me to really look for a job I want, and would love to do.

But it m not enjoying the limbo I'm in.

Days of just doing nothing.

It doesn't help that my care support system, for so much of this year has just been, well none existent.

Not having that help feels like everything has just been on hold. I couldn't even plan drinks or a meal out without checking with my mum or my brother if they had plans, then having to ask for a lift, having to leave early, feeling like a constant pain. They've spent the day working, the last thing I want to do is bug them.

So many of my days have consisted a lot of me just being home all day. With a random PA of which I can't even have a conversation with, just bringing me cups of tea.

It's honestly sucked. Seeing everyone's lives move forward, and I couldn't even get out the house.

Everyone has been, as they always have been, great. Coming to see me, getting me out the house when they can. Of which I am so grateful for, it keeps me well.

It's because of them I smile, and despite all the frustration this year has caused, moments of sadness, the boredom and anxiety I find happiness.

My New Years won't be anything special.. I'll be home with my mum, her boyfriend and my brother, and I don't expect that the beginning of a new year will fix all my problems, but I plan on setting goals to start a change.

My first goal is to write a business plan. I've had a idea or two about what I wanted to do, but I'd hoped to gain some experience in the field before branching out on my own.

But I'm just going to go for it, see where I get, no pressure just trying.

My second goal is to get a stable care structure. Now there is only so much I can really do about this, although we are already well on our way in making a change, hopefully.

My third goal is to write.

I have always had a love affair with hand writing, I've always kept notebooks full of the silly ramblings of a teenage girl, poems, short stories, "Chloe loves..." (I'm not telling) and diaries.

Since my accident I have probably written about 10 words. It is really difficult, and it looks like a 4 year old has written them, which i do find a little embarrassing.

So this year I'm going to persevere. I have gained so much more hand control this year, it just used to drop when I lifted my arm, then it would shake while I'd try and hold it up, now although it can ache like crazy after a little burst of use, it's like I don't even have to think.

I've bought a diary, and even if it's a line every day, I will write something, every day.

& that's me.

I hope 2016 brings you joy, happiness and love, in what ever way suits you best.

2 comments:

  1. I hope everything works out with the writing, I can't think of a more deserving person. Happy New Year, may 2016 bring you everything you hope for. :-)

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  2. Happy new year and good luck with your goals! It's hard to find motivation sometimes but when you know you have something to work towards it makes it a little easier. You can do it! :)

    xo Carbar | Hello Carbar

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Thankyou :)
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