Why I chose online datingWhen I first thought about dating I immediately jumped to online dating. It is definitely the norm nowadays, everyone dating is on some kinda app.
However it wasn't just about that for me.
I felt I might do better online, for a whole number of reasons.
Firstly, it was practical.
Getting out for me, especially at the time I started this whole dating adventure wasn't easy. If I did go out it was lunch with my mum, or a family event, not much chance of a boy chatting you up during either occasion. So it gave me the opportunity to actually reach people, on a much bigger scale then the three local pubs we'd go between. I thing this is probably one of the biggest reasons online dating is so popular. We can sit in our pjs, no make, messy hair and still have game.
It allowed for me to be seen
I mean this in a couple of was. There's this strange feeling I have as a wheelchair user in that you feel like you stick out in a crowd because you're different, yet you feel completely invisible because you're 2 foot below everyone's eye level.
On the very odd occasion I'd get out with friends I would just feel invisible to guys, well everyone really if I'm honest, only really noticed when you run over someone's foot "accidentally" because they've ignored your 3rd excuse me. So online dating puts me on I guess an equal playing field with everyone, I'm now at everyone's eye level :)
Also when I say me, I mean just me. It's my chance for people to just see me and see me first, not the chair and then nothing else. I'm in no way ashamed of my disability, and it plays a big part in my life and who I am, but it's not everything. There's so much more to who I am, but often that's all anyone notices. Online dating gives me a chance to show all those aspects, to show off my incredible personality, my hilarious sense of humour (I'm totally joking btw) before seeing just that one part of me.
I like that I have conversations with people for days about my hobbies, my favourite films and songs, my disability not even mentioned until I have to answer, "what have you been up to?" With "oh you know, physio and a trip to the doctors"
I can honestly understand that there are people out there that might be intimidated by the chair. No one wants to offend, or say the wrong thing, so they just say nothing.
I know my chair makes me feel so much more anxious in approaching someone. Online dating makes that approach so much easier, for me at least, and there's every possibility it does for a guy too.
My dating app thoughts
There are so many apps out there and I have been asked a few times which I have preferred or recommend.
My favourite has been OkCupid
There are a number of questions they ask to build your profile, and yes it's a bit of an arse to fill in, but it allows you to say a lot about yourself and build a better picture of who you are. I like to get a sense of someone, know if I'm going to have something in common with them before we chat.
However a slight warning here, people can search specific words (I think) and because I have it in my profile I'm a wheelchair user I have found that I get quite a few messages from devotees.
I have also tried Plenty of Fish
Again I quite like this. Like OkCupid it's both a really easy app to use and free.
Well that was a waste of money. I found the app honestly almost impossible to use and figure out. I also found that at 25 everyone was at least 10 years older than me. I don't think I had any kind of conversation here.
I've toyed with other payed apps, but there are so many good ones out there that are free I just don't know that they'd offer anything more. I also think the free ones attract people move my age, because let's face it we're all pretty skint right now :)
But at the end of the day it's what you put into it. I think if you put effort into creating a profile that shows people you, and put time into saying hi, continuing conversations with people you'll get results, no matter who you are.
Love, C x